I spent the first day of the new year doing stuff I wanted to do, pampering myself a little, in the company of people I enjoyed being with. Caffeine imbibing sessions and a soothing pedicure.

Managed to visit the old man on the 2nd day. Mixed feelings about the visit, as usual. Sometimes I just feel like screaming out loud at the unfairness of it all. I miss him. I want my abba back. I want him back the way he was. I want the silent presence in front of the TV watching yet another interminable documentary about life forms 5000 ft below the sea level. I want the pre-dawn silent walks which I (grudgingly) shared with him. I want the sound of my parents squabbling (in jest, f course) every evening. I guess I wouldn’t even mind the silent treatment I used to get from him when I did something he did not like. I want the clockwork precision in which he used to schedule all his activities from the time he woke up to the time he went to bed.

It wasn’t so much the things we used to do, or the conversations we had. He has always been a solid presence in my life. You know, the archetypal strong silent type? That was my dad. The changeover from what he was to what he is now is just impossible to digest. Every year, time and disease ravage the man I knew and I realise that I am slowly forgetting what he was and how he was. And it hurts so bad to try and trap a few more grains of his old familiar personality in my grasp…. and the more I try to hold on, the more they slip away.

So a new year has dawned, I am still the same old me. No resolutions – My resolution has been the same for the past 10 years and more – To be without resolution. To leave some stones unturned, a few melodies unheard…

Sick of thoughts. Sick of doubts. Self doubt. Pessimism. Sick of rationalising. Rationale does not apply to the irrational.

Introspection? Introspection’s for those who can think. I should stop thinking. Start doing.

 Sick of waiting. Though I wait of my own accord. Sick of inaction. Though inertia’s a great friend. Sick of what I am viewed as. Though I care nothing for your approval. Lesson in contradiction? Maybe… Maybe not. Contradiction is a word that means nothing to me. Just the way I am. If you wanted conformity, you should be looking into cookie cutter moulds and production line designs. Not me.

I do not want to validate the percentages. I am an anomaly. And I like it that way. And no, sick isn’t only a physical state…

Compared to most other places, people of this tiny dot I call home can be really apathetic. Then again, I am the embodiment of apathy – especially when it comes to the running of the country/company/home – whatever. So who am I to bitch. Work is winding down – though the next week promises stress a plenty… something like the final efforts of a spawning salmon, I suppose. People are rushing to finalize meeting schedules for the next half year and dig around for some data which shows a promising outlook so we can all pat oursleves on the back for a job well done and let our hair down.

I am just looking forward to the day my boss will be leaving for his vacation. Have 6 days of annual leave left for the year – don’t know if this can be carried forward to the next year. At least when the grouch has gone off for his vacation, I can make plans to use my leave.

Oh, and a shout out to a new acquaintance/friend – CA who is in town. Though I am unable to see you in person, I think I should at least thank you here for the gift you got for me! You really shouldn’t have! Anyways, I hope you had a great visit, and managed to get the things you wanted to get here.

Back to the daily grind…

1st try:

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you’re a dreamer, but you’re not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Wow, that’s nice… the Star… the future is good….

Let’s try again

2nd attempt:

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

The High Priestess… search for knowledge? Hmm… interesting. That is a quest that I can quite easily envision myself undergoing for the rest of my life.

3rd time lucky? What do we have here:

You are The Fool

The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

The fool… ok, I can take a warning as well as the next person. So I should beware of daydreaming and start doing stuff… point noted.

Ok – one last try – wouldn’t hurt. Or would it?

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that’s actually more apt than “Lovers.” Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can’t understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

That most certainly did not hurt! lol!

Most friends know me as a perfume whore of the first calibre. I have a collection of scents and I do not stick to any one of them. What I wear for the day is greatly dependant on how I feel when I slink out of bed, bleary-eyed, in search of my first transfusion of caffeine every morning.

There is Stella Mcartney for the girly, feminine days. Gucci Envy is when I feel confident or want to feel confident/grown up/strong. MNG is for days when I know I will end up feeling hot, bothered and sweaty as it blends very well with a sporty persona. Elizabeth Arden’s Forever is a mainly evening scent – for slightly more formal occasions. Aigner is also something that sits on my dresser, and gets picked out – just because I feel like it.

What many people do not know is that I was made this way. I told myself that I would never fall in love with another perfume again, as the treacherous manufacturers discontinued the one and only scent I ever gave my heart to. Donna Karan released this wonderful, wonderful perfume called Chaos – sometime in ’96 (I think). And it was taken off the shelves with no explanation, leaving many people bereft, in 2002.
Haiz – that was a scent I was addicted to for 6 long years.

What made Chaos reign supreme in my list of perfumes was its really unique make-up. It wasn’t floral. Not woodsy. Nope -not spicy either. No major overtones of musk. It was a very subtle blend of sandalwood and incense and musk. It was a comfort scent. I wore it as the scent kept me happy throughout the day – not for anyone else’s benfit. And now, it look like I may well have to burn almost a quarter of my year end bonus (if I am lucky) to bid and get my grubby paws on a bottle of

THIS

Now, if I put it on my Christmas wish list, do you think Santa might pay me a visit this year?

CTC, BBB, V, V ke bhai aur Jee ke saath dinner chale gaithe hum. Aur kaun aaya nazar ke saamne? The bloody last person I would have wanted to ever set my eyes on again!

Achcha, uske bhaat chodho. Dinner ke baath hum log clubbing jaana chathehein… aur clubbing bhi jaathe hein. Yahan hum kuch kehena chahthahu. Kuch logonke dhimaak kyun ithna kharaab hein? Aur uske niatein kyun ithna ghatiyaan hein? Samaj nehi payi. Hum chaar auratein hein. Humare saath ek saheli ki pati bhi hein aur ek saheli ki bhaai bhi hein. Aise situation pe kaise… samaj mein nehi.

There is something a lot of silly buggers in the indian community here have not understood. Just ‘cos a femme goes clubbing, is friendly, makes good conversation, enjoys her drinks does not mean that you can declare open season on her and do what you wish. Us raath ke baad, I’m sure, at least ek bewakoof mard ke dhimaak mein vo point pahunch jayegi. And if it did not, tho dobaara hum uski mu kaalaa karne ki mauka ke intzaar karthe rehethi hein.

Well, Diwali and Eid reports in detail will follow – sometime when I am not feeling too lazy to write.

Khuda Hafiz!